Battlefield
by Bettergrabablazer
Summary: "We seemed like a good idea." Winn reflects on his relationship with Lyra


**A/N Eventually I'll update my other stories. But I wrote this to reflect on an emotionally abusive relationship I was in. It has helped me heal a lot, and some of the things I put in there were from my own relationship. I wrote this with Battlefield by Lea Michele in mind, so if you wanna hear a really good song, I suggest that one! Thanks! **

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If Winn were to use words to describe his love life, 'bad luck' would certainly be at the top of the list. All through his teenage years he could never get a girl to be interested in him. He was either the theater geek or the son of a murderer. Or in some cases, he was both. Often he would hope that he would get the courage to ask a girl to a dance, but the chance never came. Rather it came, but he wasn't brave enough to take it. He didn't have friends, he didn't even have a family, he didn't really have any social skills at all. Instead he would go to school, stay for his extra curricular activities, and then go shut himself in his room.

College wasn't much better. In fact, at that point he had decided that he wasn't going to focus on dating. Rather he was going to put his mind on his studies, hoping that if he graduated he could get a better job and really start building a life for himself. And that's exactly what he did, he worked hard, graduated top of his class, and then got a job at CatCo.

And then there was Kara, who was the first person who was actually kind to him. It was only natural that he would have feelings for her, but that she wouldn't feel the same way. And then there was Siobhan, who he truly was attracted to. He think they could have had something real, but the Banshee was greater then their connection.

But then there was Lyra. She was real, she showed an actual interest in him. And most importantly, she liked him for just being him. It felt like they shared something real. She never asked him to change who he was, she built up his confidence, and she was there when no one else was. At least that's how it all started, a fairy tale romance. But then they grew closer, but he felt their relationship change.

At first it was small things, like how she always chose where they went for dinner. That wasn't a big deal to him, he didn't really care where he ate anyway. And then there was the fact that they only watched what she wanted, or how he wasn't allowed to sing in the car when they were on a drive. He always had to hold her hand, show that he was hers, and if he looked at another girl it was always an awkward conversation.

He brushed it off. He was finally happy, this was real. He had someone who said that they loved him. Sure they had some rough patches, but it didn't bother him. Until it did, starting with when Maggie had called him into the police station. Lyra had framed him for robbery, leaving him to pick up her broken pieces. He was so angry with her, heartbroken that she would do this, and most importantly hurt that she could betray him like this. He thought she loved im, that this was real.

And then he got to talk to her, looking in her eyes as she told him that he was just a mark. That none of this was real. But it couldn't be that way, this had to be real, he needed it to be real. Otherwise it meant that he was easy, and that no one actually cared about him in the way he needed her to. He couldn't give up his one chance at love, no one else was going to love him. This was it for him.

He forgave her. He forgave her when so many people said he shouldn't have. They said that regardless of what her reasons, she still chose to hurt him. To go behind his back, to allow him to be thrown into prison to save her brother. But something within him was okay with that. That after the terror and fear of being thrown into prison, that having another trait in common with his father, she still chose to help him. In the end she chose him, and so he was going to keep choosing her.

But then there was the times that he got exhausted. That his anxiety started draining his energy, and he just wanted to talk about it. They were in the car when he started the conversation. "I just don't understand why I've been feeling down so much lately." He paused as he waited for a reply, and then he got one. "Winn, this is why I have such a hard time talking to you. This is why I don't care when you're upset, because you're always this upset and tired." Slowly Winn sunk back into his seat, shame coloring his cheeks. He never brought it up again.

He decided to bring Lyra out with him and James. That they were going to become a crime fighting trio. And it worked for a minute, until it didn't. Until they were sitting in the bar and she broke the bottle in front of his face. He hadn't felt fear in a long time, but when he heard the glass shatter so close to his face, he froze. This isn't what it was supposed to be like, she was supposed to be understanding. That they didn't have to do everything together. But she didn't care, because he had to be gone before she came out of the bathroom.

He didn't care that they didn't work. Because this was all he had. Until Alex and Kara talked to him. How they showed him that this wasn't love. This wasn't the life that he deserved. Lyra wasn't a bad person, she was a bad person for him. They didn't work together. He had to get out of there before it got worse. Before it escalated from breaking a bottle to breaking him. They seemed like a good idea, but sometimes what works in our heads doesn't work when it comes to life.

And eventually he did leave, and being without her was almost as hard as being with her. He had a new freedom that he didn't know how to handle. He lost so much of himself into her, that he didn't know who he was without her. But he put on a smile, kept showing up to work. Kept telling those around him that he was okay, because he didn't know how to be anything else.


End file.
